Eons
by luc1d-dream1ng
Summary: What if Edward hadn't given in to Bella that night she awoke crying in Isle Esme? A one-shot from Edward's perspective, portraying the night of, and the day after.


**A/N:** Quick little one shot.. Hope you guys enjoy.

 **Disclaimer:** Twilight= no mío.

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 **Edward's POV**

After my rebuff, she cried for hours in my arms. Her tears hit my chest, each one hitting me with the force of a thousand bullets. I could not bear to bring her pain like this, and yet I also couldn't stomach the idea of placing her in such risk again. Not while she was human.

She had to understand the depth of my need for her, too. After our lovemaking, having her out of the house as frequently as possible was all I could do to avoid falling into bed again. The feeling of her, the intensity of our love, was burned into my mind. I thought of it constantly, each time the reminder ending with the sight of the purple bruises on her body. My self-loathing had never been so intense… I had dirtied our lovemaking with my brute force, and I would not allow myself to repeat my mistakes.

Eventually, Bella stopped crying, only moving to sniffle every now and then. Her breath was almost entirely evened out, when she detached from my embrace and moved to the other corner of the bed, her intention clear. She would not want to sleep in my arms tonight.

Although I understood, I couldn't help but feel hurt, which in turn made me feel like a hypocrite. Wasn't that Bella's very own situation? She understood why we couldn't be joined again. She knew last time I had come close to madness, proven by the marks that marred her otherwise perfect skin; and yet, she was irrevocably hurt every time I negated her advances. I breathed a deep sigh, aware that Bella was still awake but being quiet.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wish… but I can't." The quickening of her heartbeat was the only indication that she heard me. The sheets rippled as she shifted further away from me, and I could smell the formation of tears yet again.

I felt like the worst kind of monster yet.

The distance between us, although mere inches, made my skin burn. It felt like the worst kind of penance, to lie there in the very same bed we made love in just days ago, with such a rift between us. Afraid to speak, I was left alone with my thoughts.

We lay in silence like that for hours, Bella never succumbing to sleep, choosing instead to steep in whatever thoughts she was currently having. It drove me mad to not know what she was thinking, now more so than ever. I was increasingly worried she wasn't getting any sleep, but I never voiced my concern; I knew it wouldn't have done much good. There was no space left in the bed for her to shift over to, and I did not want to risk her moving into the other bedroom entirely. I was sure I could not handle it. It was close to sunrise when she finally spoke to me,

"I understand." Her voice was raspy and dry, and wrong. Void of all emotion, it seemed she had lost all the fight left in her and she had simply… _given up_.

I felt like the vilest creature; she would never know the pain I felt in this very moment. Unable to show my wife the love I had for her physically without hurting her, and unable to abstain without hurting her worse. What a poor excuse of a _man_ I was. It wasn't as if I was blind to her desire. In fact, I was all too aware of it. My vampire senses left me quite at a disadvantage; I could smell _everything_ ; I could _hear_ everything. I was not unaware of why her showers were suddenly longer, or to her changes in breathing. I knew that she brought herself to quiet climax in the bath, giving herself what I would not, and yet was left feeling unsatisfied. It angered me, that her own body deemed any sort of solo relief unsatisfactory after our lovemaking, and yet I understood. I had been experiencing much of the same thing myself.

 _When you have had a taste of excellence, you cannot go back to mediocrity_ , I thought wryly.

Clearly, Maximillian had known what he was talking about.

She would never know the unforgivable urge, the pure _need_ I had to simply go in the shower with her, and play her body like a finely tuned instrument; to bring her to relief once and for all, repeatedly; to leave her body sated and spent. Sex was one of the very driving and instinctual forces of a vampire's nature, and once mated the urges only got stronger. It was, quite literally, in my body's makeup, as a vampire and as a _male_ , to wish to devote my nights only to pleasing her. Yet I was left to stew in my desire, inevitably driving her to seek relief on her own.

"You don't know how much I wish, Bella. How the very thought of it consumes me… but it's not safe." I whispered back, swallowing back venom.

"Yes. It's not safe," she echoed, her voice still all wrong. I smelled the formation of tears once more, and she seemed to jump out of bed and into the bathroom; a further attempt to hide her emotions from me, as if I couldn't already perceive them.

"I'll be right back.", she said over her shoulder, forcing casualness.

She stayed in the bathroom a long time. At certain intervals, there was only the sound of her quiet breathing. Eventually I heard the shower running and the black silk nightgown she had worn as it hit the floor.

I watched the sun come up from the bed, and tried to pretend my wife wasn't crying in the shower. Eventually, I got up to make her some breakfast. I had planned to take her for a hike today, but given last night, I doubted she would be interested. I thought of more activities we could do if she wasn't interested in hiking, and was coming up short. I was devoted to not let last night ruin our stay at Isle Esme, but I wasn't sure if my plans were in vain. Was our honeymoon already ruined in her eyes? My heart suddenly hurt, and I rested my palms against the countertops to steady myself. The only thing she had ever asked for… and I had failed.

"Edward? Something's burning.", I suddenly heard her voice say. I hadn't even heard her come in; I was so lost in my thoughts. I snapped out of my trance and realized I had rendered the eggs inedible. I shook my head as if to clear it, and reached over to drop the contents of the pan in the trash.

I cleared my throat, a surprisingly human habit. "I'm sorry. I suppose I haven't quite gotten the hang of cooking yet.", I lied, turning to grab some more eggs out of the carton.

Minutes later, after successfully preparing and plating her breakfast, I placed on the countertop alongside a glass of fresh orange juice. I waited for her first bite and approval. She suddenly stood from her chair and approached me, before wrapping her arms around my torso tightly.

"Thank you." She whispered, arms tight around my torso as I returned her strong embrace.

"It's my pleasure, my love. I'm just sorry I burned the eggs the first time."

"That's not what I meant." She said, looking up until her brown eyes met mine. "Thank you for trying, Edward. It was more than I could have ever imagined."

 _Oh._

The breath left my body in a violent _whoosh,_ as I closed my eyes at the onslaught of gratitude I suddenly felt. My girl was no longer mad at me. Her eyes reflected understanding, and although in there lie a bit of residual disappointment, I knew she understood. Her life was far too precious for me to endanger.

I placed a kiss on her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips.

"I don't have words, Isabella, for how much that night meant to me. You drive me wild." I admitted, in a quiet whisper. I felt the heat of her blush against my chest, and I tipped her face up to meet my eyes. "Thank you, my love. Thank you, _my wife_. You are far too good for me."

"None of that. Let's make the most of what we have while we're here. We'll have eons for _that_ , won't we?" She smiled, eyes suddenly playful.

I growled at her playfully, nipping at her bottom lip lightly,

"We will. And we'll need _every second_."


End file.
